Grief is one of the most difficult emotions to come to terms with. The greater the loss, the deeper the grief, the more gut-wrenching it can be.
When you lose someone or something you love, no amount of rationalization can substitute for the fact that you have to go through a period of grieving. If you don’t give the pain its due attention, it’s a wound that can potentially never heal, depending on circumstances.
As is the case with all emotions, it is vitally important to let yourself feel your feelings. Otherwise, emotions get stuck and the emotional wounds live on inside of you. Grief is particularly complicated in that it also involves another deep emotion: love. When you lose a loved one, either in the context of a relationship, or the person leaving their body, it can trigger deep trauma.
Whether the trauma is your own or inherited from prior generations, or even previous lifetimes, makes no difference. You are being tasked to feel very difficult feelings. If you’ve grown up in Western societies, feelings around death are especially difficult, given how little exposure you typically get and how inadequate the tools are that you’ve been given.
It is a common coping strategy to push some or all of these emotions away, just to get through your day. But you must be careful not to ignore your grief for very long. It can quickly turn into an even greater burden in that you start to break down physically, as well.
Similarly, be careful not to over-indulge in your feelings. This can lead to emotional loops that drain you immensely and that can be hard to get out of. This happens when you tell yourself stories around your pain. The stories exaggerate your feelings and add to the emotional overwhelm. Focus on what you’re feeling and be mindful not to add unnecessary judgment to it.
Sometimes the trauma is so difficult, you cease to be able to function even at the most basic levels. If the circumstances are extenuating, such as when others are dependent on your continued functioning, a careful approach to temporary medication may be acceptable. But only with the goal of getting into the clear so that you can get off it and onto processing your feelings in an uncompromised way.
You can never be fully prepared for the loss of love. To love means to be attached, at least to some extent. It’s only human to then grieve the loss of your love.
If you are going through a difficult time, you don’t need to question right now the reason anything has happened. You don’t need to judge yourself for anything that has happened. Let the answers reveal themselves in their own time. But for right now, an extra big dose of self-love and self-care is in order. Maybe you want to be near family and friends, or maybe you want to spend time alone. Know there is no right or wrong way to handle it. As long as you listen to your feelings and to what your body is saying, you’re on the path of healing.
Grieving is healing. Allow your healing to take as long as it needs to. Don’t be ashamed to show it. It needs to express itself so that you can let it go. No matter how dark the horizon looks, know that nothing is permanent, even if at times it feels like it. The sun is sure to shine on you again.